Kiss our Tiara
Monday, March 06, 2006
Our man of the month is not cooperating. Apparently, those questions take thought. But alas, we ladies have something else on our minds...
The Inability of Men to Pony Up and Ask Girls for Phone Numbers.
Some of our lesser refined counterparts don't bat an eyelash when it comes to giving out their phone number. We divas operate under a different set of guidelines...
When divas bat an eyelash, it is a direct signal for a man to ASK for a number. We shall not serve our digits up on a hors d'oeuvre platter to be passed around the party, our number is more like a Dom Perignon- only to be shared with those special individuals.
When a male gives a diva his phone number, rest assured the diva will not call. Simply because it is not our job to make the first, and generally akward, phone call. This falls under the category of things a gentleman should do. (While we are on this topic, gentlemen need to understand that there is a list of jobs that they need to do. This will be printed for all eyes to see on Wednesday)
But alas, back to the discussion of phone numbers. Gentlemen, what are we going to have to do to make you understand? Remember the proberb that your mother taught you...
Ask and you shall recieve. **Unless, of course, you are not worthy.**
The Inability of Men to Pony Up and Ask Girls for Phone Numbers.
Some of our lesser refined counterparts don't bat an eyelash when it comes to giving out their phone number. We divas operate under a different set of guidelines...
When divas bat an eyelash, it is a direct signal for a man to ASK for a number. We shall not serve our digits up on a hors d'oeuvre platter to be passed around the party, our number is more like a Dom Perignon- only to be shared with those special individuals.
When a male gives a diva his phone number, rest assured the diva will not call. Simply because it is not our job to make the first, and generally akward, phone call. This falls under the category of things a gentleman should do. (While we are on this topic, gentlemen need to understand that there is a list of jobs that they need to do. This will be printed for all eyes to see on Wednesday)
But alas, back to the discussion of phone numbers. Gentlemen, what are we going to have to do to make you understand? Remember the proberb that your mother taught you...
Ask and you shall recieve. **Unless, of course, you are not worthy.**
Sunday, February 26, 2006
Every Diva has a secret....
And if you don't you certainly should...
Meet Kiss our Tiara's Dirty Little Secret... Better known as The Man of the Month, Edition 1.
He looks Scared, doesn't he?!?
Joe has kindly agreed to answer some questions.
1. Tell us a little about yourself, E. G. Tell the readers who you are, and why you are the man of the month. Be truthful, if you are not, we will be...
2. How would you woo a diva?
3. What is better, A Diva or a small town girl?
4. What did you learn from being a fraternity "gentelman" that you know will NOT transfer into the real world of dating?
5. What is your favorite flavor of lipgloss?
6. Who would you reccomend to be the next man of the month? the one condition is that he must know all three of us, though not as well as you.
We shall report back with his answers posthaste.
Love, The Ladies of the Tiara.
And if you don't you certainly should...
Meet Kiss our Tiara's Dirty Little Secret... Better known as The Man of the Month, Edition 1.
He looks Scared, doesn't he?!?
Joe has kindly agreed to answer some questions.
1. Tell us a little about yourself, E. G. Tell the readers who you are, and why you are the man of the month. Be truthful, if you are not, we will be...
2. How would you woo a diva?
3. What is better, A Diva or a small town girl?
4. What did you learn from being a fraternity "gentelman" that you know will NOT transfer into the real world of dating?
5. What is your favorite flavor of lipgloss?
6. Who would you reccomend to be the next man of the month? the one condition is that he must know all three of us, though not as well as you.
We shall report back with his answers posthaste.
Love, The Ladies of the Tiara.
Sunday, February 12, 2006
Whiskey Wishes and Chanel Dreams
As the ladies of the Tiara sat contemplating life while consuming whiskey and diet coke, some pearls of wisdom came about.
It is our bountiful duty to share these with you.
When Discussing a fabulous movie, How to Marry a Millionaire starring the beloved Marilyn Monroe and other people we do not care about, some facts came about.
- "As the beloved Zsa Zsa Gabore stated, 'I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back' it is time, time to reset the S'Ghetti engagement set into something more useful and profitable.... Something like a Freedom Ring, to be worn on the right hand." -Elle
- "The ending of 'How to Marry a Millionaire' is unrealistic. Two of the three married the poor man. That is just movie making propaganda. No one is really happy being in love and poor. Love does not pay the bills, nor does it buy fabulous accessories. The millionaire does." -June
On the topic of Elle's need for a NEW and IMPROVED crush:
- "Where to look? Where to look? Neimans Cafe? No. That will produce very attractive men... And their boyfriends. Whole foods? No, that will produce burlap, birkenstocks, and nothing from Berghdorfs." -Elle
- "Why not Central Market? Very attractive straight men shop there. And if we do not find a crush, we can always buy a nice bottle of wine and get drunk." -Elle.
- "How about Jewish singles mixers?!? I, for one, enjoy the short bald and hairy. Also Hanukkah produces eight crazy nights of gifts... I like to be showered in gifts.... Not sprinkled." -S'Ghetti
-In response to the Jewish idea "But I like Santa Claus. It feeds into my Sugar Daddy Fantasy. Also I like the idea of having short men cater to my every need." -Elle
On thoughts of the Maternal Instinct...
- "I have a maternal instinct. I taught the vertically challenged for two years. I just think they are annoying and will not call poison control in case of emergency" -S'Ghetti
- "I have a biological clock. It's a movado in a platinum setting. With Diamonds." -June
- "I like children. But I do not believe in accessories that cannot be taken in five star restaurants. The only thing that belongs in a five star restaurant under the age of eighteen is a bottle of wine." -Elle.
More to come... After the wiskey.
As the ladies of the Tiara sat contemplating life while consuming whiskey and diet coke, some pearls of wisdom came about.
It is our bountiful duty to share these with you.
When Discussing a fabulous movie, How to Marry a Millionaire starring the beloved Marilyn Monroe and other people we do not care about, some facts came about.
- "As the beloved Zsa Zsa Gabore stated, 'I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back' it is time, time to reset the S'Ghetti engagement set into something more useful and profitable.... Something like a Freedom Ring, to be worn on the right hand." -Elle
- "The ending of 'How to Marry a Millionaire' is unrealistic. Two of the three married the poor man. That is just movie making propaganda. No one is really happy being in love and poor. Love does not pay the bills, nor does it buy fabulous accessories. The millionaire does." -June
On the topic of Elle's need for a NEW and IMPROVED crush:
- "Where to look? Where to look? Neimans Cafe? No. That will produce very attractive men... And their boyfriends. Whole foods? No, that will produce burlap, birkenstocks, and nothing from Berghdorfs." -Elle
- "Why not Central Market? Very attractive straight men shop there. And if we do not find a crush, we can always buy a nice bottle of wine and get drunk." -Elle.
- "How about Jewish singles mixers?!? I, for one, enjoy the short bald and hairy. Also Hanukkah produces eight crazy nights of gifts... I like to be showered in gifts.... Not sprinkled." -S'Ghetti
-In response to the Jewish idea "But I like Santa Claus. It feeds into my Sugar Daddy Fantasy. Also I like the idea of having short men cater to my every need." -Elle
On thoughts of the Maternal Instinct...
- "I have a maternal instinct. I taught the vertically challenged for two years. I just think they are annoying and will not call poison control in case of emergency" -S'Ghetti
- "I have a biological clock. It's a movado in a platinum setting. With Diamonds." -June
- "I like children. But I do not believe in accessories that cannot be taken in five star restaurants. The only thing that belongs in a five star restaurant under the age of eighteen is a bottle of wine." -Elle.
More to come... After the wiskey.
Wednesday, February 01, 2006
Men as Real Estate
We, the people, of the United States of America... Err, We the Women of the shiny and bejeweled Tiara have created yet another way to classify the men in our lives.
Why, You may ask, do we insist on finding ways to classify men? Simple. It is our way of dissecting and understanding the XY breed, entertaining the masses, and teaching men a little about themselves and who they want to be.
There are several classes of men as real estate. Some you have become all too familiar with, others you continuously look for.
Starter Home- We all know them, we all know that this type of real estate may be damn near impossible to avoid, but we all really should try. Starter homes are small, poorly built, cracker box style homes. Starter males are quite the same. There is definitely something wrong with them, whether it is a sixth toe, a bad temper, or a strange twitch. The starter male does keep a roof over your head, (e.g. Date for weddings or Valentines) but under no circumstances should they be inhabited for the rest of your life. ACCEPTABLE for a short amount of time, but certainly NOT a lifetime.
The Fix'er'upper- These men can actually be quite the find. They need a little work, sure, but they are structurally sound. Maybe they need a coat of paint, but they have something we are all looking for: Potential. These men know that their stock could be worth more, and are willing to change, for the greater good of them, and for the greater good of you. A FANTASTIC buy.
Frat House- Similar to the Fix'er'upper, only these men do not want to change. The real estate may be nice, but they are happy being covered in beer cans, cigarette butts, and last night's party participants. NOT a good use of hard earned money.
Vacation Home - A vacation home is always a welcome addition to any girl's personal real estate portfolio. It offers an escape from the everyday, a distraction from the mundane. The vacation home affords you the opportunity to experience the rodeo with a cowboy, to get in the best shape of your life with a personal trainer, to party with rockstars and to experience things most only dream of. Above all else though, one must remember to return home from vacation. A night out with a rockstar is fabulous, a lifetime with a rockstar means having to live with Ozzy Osborne and the man who translates his incoherent ramblings into intellectual speech.
Seedy Motel - Seedy Motels have always been a tempting choice for an afternoon of great sex that you don't want to get caught having. Men who are like seedy motels are tempting because their reputation precedes them (you know they'd be a good time) and you don't have to worry about being judged for your lack of better judgment (you don't know anyone who hasn't slept with them). However, just as you fear the sanitary condition of the average Motel 6, seedy-hotel-man requires that you wear a life-size condom to ward off any potential hazards. In this instance, look but do not touch. Definitely do not consider purchasing, once a seedy motel - ALWAYS a seedy motel.
Mansion- This could be IT, if you are willing to put in the time. When looking at it from the outside you think, this is the one for me! Pretty, well built, nice landscaping, Often, they are quite a bit of maintenance, including but not limited to the house keeper, butler, Grounds keeper, cabana boy... You know, the works. Offen these Mansion men know that they are quite the looker, and are very conceited... If you have the time, and the money, sure make the down payment. But if not, head for the hills with the cabana boy.
Crack house- These are those men who have made many bad decisions in their lifetime, no money, no job, too many problems to count. You feel sorry for them, but allowing them into your life will give you more problems in your life than you can solve. Dirty, run down, dangerous men that you should only see being arrested on Cops! Don't do it honey, you are better than that! If you need "Housing" get yourself an apartment to start off with!
Penthouse- Penthouses are normally located in urban areas, usually downtown. This is especially important because although they appear to be shiny, modern, hip and damn near perfection... Underneath all that new paint lies an old deteriorating warehouse. What's worse is that penthouses are surrounded by urban eyesores: dive bars, scary convenience stores, XXX shops, and cheap hotels. The age-old adage "you're only as good as the company you keep" certainly applies here. Penthouses are only acceptable for the nuevo-riche and those who want to have a fun night on the town with someone who knows the area. It's important to remember that underneath all those shiny new accessories lies a big crumbling mess.
Apartment - These are nice for a temporary basis, Six months, no more than a year. Sort of like a starter home, but a little less stable. The nice part about these apartments are they are very low maintains. Got a problem???
Call for maintenance. All you gotta do is pay your rent. IE: The apartment man is good for some things- dinner, dates, entertainment...Wink wink. Not bad, but not good either.... Deal with the apartment for a while, then move up in the world.
So there you have it, a few choices for your housing needs. Choose wisely ladies and gents, don't sign on the dotted line too quickly,and remember equity is everything!!!
We, the people, of the United States of America... Err, We the Women of the shiny and bejeweled Tiara have created yet another way to classify the men in our lives.
Why, You may ask, do we insist on finding ways to classify men? Simple. It is our way of dissecting and understanding the XY breed, entertaining the masses, and teaching men a little about themselves and who they want to be.
There are several classes of men as real estate. Some you have become all too familiar with, others you continuously look for.
Starter Home- We all know them, we all know that this type of real estate may be damn near impossible to avoid, but we all really should try. Starter homes are small, poorly built, cracker box style homes. Starter males are quite the same. There is definitely something wrong with them, whether it is a sixth toe, a bad temper, or a strange twitch. The starter male does keep a roof over your head, (e.g. Date for weddings or Valentines) but under no circumstances should they be inhabited for the rest of your life. ACCEPTABLE for a short amount of time, but certainly NOT a lifetime.
The Fix'er'upper- These men can actually be quite the find. They need a little work, sure, but they are structurally sound. Maybe they need a coat of paint, but they have something we are all looking for: Potential. These men know that their stock could be worth more, and are willing to change, for the greater good of them, and for the greater good of you. A FANTASTIC buy.
Frat House- Similar to the Fix'er'upper, only these men do not want to change. The real estate may be nice, but they are happy being covered in beer cans, cigarette butts, and last night's party participants. NOT a good use of hard earned money.
Vacation Home - A vacation home is always a welcome addition to any girl's personal real estate portfolio. It offers an escape from the everyday, a distraction from the mundane. The vacation home affords you the opportunity to experience the rodeo with a cowboy, to get in the best shape of your life with a personal trainer, to party with rockstars and to experience things most only dream of. Above all else though, one must remember to return home from vacation. A night out with a rockstar is fabulous, a lifetime with a rockstar means having to live with Ozzy Osborne and the man who translates his incoherent ramblings into intellectual speech.
Seedy Motel - Seedy Motels have always been a tempting choice for an afternoon of great sex that you don't want to get caught having. Men who are like seedy motels are tempting because their reputation precedes them (you know they'd be a good time) and you don't have to worry about being judged for your lack of better judgment (you don't know anyone who hasn't slept with them). However, just as you fear the sanitary condition of the average Motel 6, seedy-hotel-man requires that you wear a life-size condom to ward off any potential hazards. In this instance, look but do not touch. Definitely do not consider purchasing, once a seedy motel - ALWAYS a seedy motel.
Mansion- This could be IT, if you are willing to put in the time. When looking at it from the outside you think, this is the one for me! Pretty, well built, nice landscaping, Often, they are quite a bit of maintenance, including but not limited to the house keeper, butler, Grounds keeper, cabana boy... You know, the works. Offen these Mansion men know that they are quite the looker, and are very conceited... If you have the time, and the money, sure make the down payment. But if not, head for the hills with the cabana boy.
Crack house- These are those men who have made many bad decisions in their lifetime, no money, no job, too many problems to count. You feel sorry for them, but allowing them into your life will give you more problems in your life than you can solve. Dirty, run down, dangerous men that you should only see being arrested on Cops! Don't do it honey, you are better than that! If you need "Housing" get yourself an apartment to start off with!
Penthouse- Penthouses are normally located in urban areas, usually downtown. This is especially important because although they appear to be shiny, modern, hip and damn near perfection... Underneath all that new paint lies an old deteriorating warehouse. What's worse is that penthouses are surrounded by urban eyesores: dive bars, scary convenience stores, XXX shops, and cheap hotels. The age-old adage "you're only as good as the company you keep" certainly applies here. Penthouses are only acceptable for the nuevo-riche and those who want to have a fun night on the town with someone who knows the area. It's important to remember that underneath all those shiny new accessories lies a big crumbling mess.
Apartment - These are nice for a temporary basis, Six months, no more than a year. Sort of like a starter home, but a little less stable. The nice part about these apartments are they are very low maintains. Got a problem???
Call for maintenance. All you gotta do is pay your rent. IE: The apartment man is good for some things- dinner, dates, entertainment...Wink wink. Not bad, but not good either.... Deal with the apartment for a while, then move up in the world.
So there you have it, a few choices for your housing needs. Choose wisely ladies and gents, don't sign on the dotted line too quickly,and remember equity is everything!!!
